who has time for rational thoughts in times like these?

as i sit here and watch game 1 of the alds, red sox v. the los angeles angels of anaheim (i've grown to love it), i am reminded of a conversation i had earlier today that makes perfect sense, but i can't imagine ever agreeing with.

for my first entry into this new world of blogging, just another way for us all to think we can become famous, i thought that i would write about the mets. i mean, it is why i started this blog and it the source of my extreme pain these days. however, in light of my conversation this morning, the mets will only be the springboard.

the argument: because i am a mets fan, i should be rooting for the phillies to win the world series because then at least i could say we were bested by the world champs. i know that it's not like we lost to them in the alcs, which would provide a slightly better argument, but the essential ingredients are present. the argument uses the logic that if you are beaten by another, you should want them to be the best because then it's not as embarrassing to lose. however, if the victor went on to lose in the next round, your lose was even more indicative of how bad you are. in essence, these people want to be able to say that they were at least the third best team and not the 10th best team.

the counter-argument: here, i will be presenting a logical counter-argument before we get to the truth. i can see how it makes sense in a sport like college football where if your opponent does well, your rankings go up. but in other sports, let's say baseball, the mets last year aren't considered the third best team because they lost to the cardinals who went on to win the world series (tigers would be considered second and athletics fourth). and even if you wanted to make that argument, who would listen or let alone care. now, that makes for a good counter-argument, but here's the real truth.

FUCK THE PHILLIES! i hope that all the phillies get seriously ill from food prepared by jimmy rollins' wife and they have to spend 10 straight days living on a toilet. i hope they lose every single one of their playoff games by a combined score of one million to negative ten. i hope the lose so bad that any sweet taste they had after sunday turns into a combination of those bitter beer commercials and dogpoop.

i hate the phillies. that is the truth. i may not hate them in ten years, but as for today and for the foreseeable future, i hate 'em. you can use all the logic you want, try and convince me for lifetimes, but i'll never agree. i refuse to agree, it's unamerican. it's inhuman. there is no way you can convince me that the opponent that celebrates in light of your utter misery should be rewarded with your support.

now, as i read what i just wrote not 6 seconds ago, i realize that it sounds like a complete sore loser statement. i concur, there's no denying it. but fuck you too because you know it's true. i'm not saying that i want them to burn in hell or even that they don't deserve it. i applaud them, they won, they are "better" than us, but that's the extent of that. i hope the rockies crush their collective will to live.

people have to realize that this is survival. a playoff spot to the phillies for the most part means that no playoffs for the mets. there is no way to "increase the pie" so to speak. there's one pie and it's already been cut into 8 pieces. if you're starving, haven't eaten in years, and someone else takes the piece of pie you had your eye on for 6 months, i'd sock you if you wished him/her the best and hoped that they went on to great success in life.

the phillies ate our motherfuckin' slice of pie. we wanted it, felt like we deserved it, thought that if we ate the pie we could grow into a strong, healthy boy, fall in love with a supermodel and go onto fame/fortune. but all of that is lost now. thanks to the phillies. and people want me to hope they win the world series? i'm going to go to those people's houses, knock on their door, hit them over the head with a bat, steal their wives, steal the vette and i hope when i'm driving away with wife in hand i get a warm 'good luck to you' from them as they lie bloodied from my assult.

baseball is not for the sane of mind. let's face it. billie goats and babe ruth. clutchness and derek jeter. none of it makes sense. let's not try to makes sense of it when you're team loses a 7 game lead with 17 to go.

the bottom line: screw those who beat you and in the event that it happens, instead of rooting for their success, you should be spreading lies about their mothers and telling everyone that the person has an incurable STD (preferably not the big one cuz that's not nice, but herpes will do just fine).